When Your Ministry Partner Is Grieving

Letters, emails, and phone calls sometimes bring sad news. The loss of a spouse, a parent, a brother, a child.

Most often, I respond by addressing a sympathy card and inserting a quote from Henry Van Dyke (see above).

On the insert, I write: “We hope this little bit of old prose by Henry Van Dyke is of some comfort to you.”

We often hear back that our friends loved the quote and that it comforted them and their family.

Be Prepared

Stay in touch with your friends throughout the year. Also, check Facebook or other social media to know what is happening in your ministry partners’ lives.

Have sympathy cards on hand for when they’ll be needed. (I recommend these as one of the best ways to offer comfort when a friend or family member dies.)

Consider making a phone call. Or consider sending flowers or donating to the family’s designated charity.

Handwritten Notes

Unless I have a strong relationship, I keep my notes short.

You may want something longer. Here are some ideas:

• It is so hard to lose a mom. Praise the Lord for her eternal life.
• We’re praying for your family. It’s hard to be separated from someone you love.
• May you rest in the promise of being reunited together with Christ.
• We just read your Christmas letter and are so sorry to hear of losing Jason 13 months ago.
• Thinking of you in your loss and grief. Please be gentle with yourself and know that we care and are praying.
• May you feel the love of our tender Sheperd in the days and months ahead.
• During this time we pray for the Lord’s comfort for your family.

Bible Verses

Here are some Bible verses you can include:

• Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.” 
• Psalm 147:3: “He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.”
• Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” 
• John  14:18: “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”
• Revelation 21:4: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more.”

Free Downloads

Follow this link for my Henry Van Dyke quote downloads.

• The insert is a Word document you would cut in half. Insert the half sheet in your sympathy card and right a little note on the bottom.
• The other was made in Canva. You can use this in an email or on social media. (This is what I used at the top of this post.)

Here is the quote attributed to Henry Van Dyke:

I am standing upon the sea shore.  A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says; “There, she is gone!”

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at that moment when someone at my side says, “There, she is gone” there are other eyes watching her and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes! ”

When You Receive a Gift in Memorium

Of course, send a thank-you note as soon as you can. Here are some thank you sentences you can use:

• Thank you for your gift of ___. Thank you for honoring Lionel’s memory with a donation to Cru. We are humbled and blessed to be a part of his legacy. We are assured from Scripture that he has stored many treasures in Heaven.
• We’re so sorry to hear of Jean’s passing. This must be a very difficult time for you and your family. Jean had such a wonderful spirit and faith in the Lord. We know we’ll see her again when we each cross that divide into heaven. It will be a sweet reunion.  
• Thank you for the memorial gift of $30.  May the Lord use it for His glory in reaching the lost for Christ. We’re so grateful for both of you all these years and for your faithful gifts to our work with Cru.
• Thank you so much for sharing the stories of your mom’s life. You touched us with a little glimpse of her loving and generous heart.

I hope this post helps you minister to your grieving ministry partner.

NOTES:

• All notes are from Wikipedia.
• The sailing ships’ oil painting, Ships before Hoorn, is in the public domain. It was painted in 1622 by Heindrick Cornelisz Vroom (1562/1563-1640), “the founder of Dutch marine art or seascape painting.” (The image at the top of this post with the prose of Henry Van Dyke is available as a free download.)
• The bit of prose featured in this post is attributed to Henry Van Dyke (1852-1933). He was an author, Presbyterian clergyman, educator, and diplomat. Some things he is known for:
  • Professor of English Literature at Princeton,
  • U.S. Ambassador to the Netherlands and Luxembourg just as World War I broke out,
  • Friend of Helen Keller. and
  • Officiant at Mark Twain’s funeral.
• Van Dyke’s best-known poem, Time Is, was read in 1997 at the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales. The portion read was:

Time is

Too slow for those who Wait,

Too swift for those who Fear,

Too long for those who Grieve,

Too short for those who Rejoice,

But for those who Love,

Time is not.